Life After Boards: Joan Marielle J. Pilapil, RPm

“No guts, no glory.”

This is the official life philosophy of Joan Marielle J. Pilapil, or Maye, and she has embodied this well when she took and passed the very first Board Licensure Examination for Psychometricians last 2014. A BS Psychology graduate of San Pedro College of Davao City, the 23-year-old sports and travel enthusiast currently works as a Human Resource Specialist in a BPO company.

One factor why Maye took the board exam is to have the extra three letters after her name. Another factor was some of her friends and batch mates in college also decided to take the first board exam. Reviewing for the various subjects was a challenge for her, for she was also juggling her work as HR personnel. But she did not let her this hinder from preparing for the board exam. In her free time, she would read her notes, and sometimes review them when eating out in a fast food chain. Maye also attended weekly review classes offered by her alma mater. Maye pointed out that Psychological Assessment was the most challenging subject and that its difficulty added up to her anxiety while waiting for the results.  But instead of wasting her time worrying, Maye focused her job and bonded with her friends.

It was on the evening of November 4, 2014 when she learned that she has passed the boards. When asked about what she felt when she saw her name on the list of passers, Maye said she was “overwhelmed! Wala ko nag-expect! After sa board exam, especially sa psych assessment, wala nako nag-expect na maka-pasa ko.”

(I did not expect [to pass]! After the board exam, especially on Psych Assessment, I did not really expect that I will pass.)

Maye stated that passing the board exam and having a license is an edge on her current job as an HR Specialist. She has stated that her current company plans to utilize psychological tests to assess applicants and employees, and that she will be the one to oversee these tasks in the future.

Maye is keen to learn more about the field of Human Resource and plans to have a psychological testing center in her hometown, General Santos City. With her guts and her attitude, Maye is determined to pursue her dreams and make them come true.

Starting today, we will have a weekly feature named "Life After Boards," stories of Registered Psychometricians after passing the Board Licensure Examination for Psychometricians. These stories aim to inspire future Registered Psychometricians to pursue on their goals, both professional and personal, and utilize their knowledge and skills in Psychology for the greater good.

Review Centers Claim to Fame and Survey Result

The survey was posted here  with the following instruction - (ONLY FOR THOSE WHO REVIEWED VIA REVIEW CENTER.) The purpose of this survey is for us to learn the experiences of those who availed review for the Board Licensure Exam for Psychometrician offered by review centers. The result of the survey also aims to provide constructive feedback to these review centers for them to further improve their services. So we hope you can help answer this survey. Survey result and output will be shared in our blog. Please be assured that your identity and responses will be kept confidential. Survey will take about 4-5 minutes to answer.) Replies were gathered from the period of November 1-6, 2014.  There were 48 respondents. Below are the results/responses using Google Survey Analytics.


Gender
Female = 38
Male    = 10

Respondents'  Schools

• Assumption College - Makati
• Adamson University
• CEU
• Colegio de San Juan de Letran - Manila
• Colegio de San Juan De Letran - Calamba
• Dominican College San Juan
• EAC- Manila
• Eulogio "Amang" Rodriguez Institute of Science and Technology
• Holy Angel University
• Jesus Reigns Christian College
• La Consolacion University of the Philippines
• LPU-Batangas
• LSPU
• Lyceum of the Philippines University
• Lyceum of the Philippines University Cavite Campus
• Manila Central University
• Manila Tytana Colleges
• MSU-IIT
• New Era University
• Notre Dame of Dadiangas University
• Pasig  Catholic College
• PCU
• Perpetual Help-Molino Campus
• PUP
• Saint Louis College
• Saint Louis University
• San Pedro College, Davao City
• San Sebastian College-Recoletos de Cavite
• Southern Luzon State University
• Southville International School and Colleges
• SPUQC
• St. Theresa's College
• St. Dominic College of Asia
• Universidad De Manila
• University of Caloocan City
• University of the Assumption
• University of the Cordilleras
• University of the East - Manila
• USANT
• UST
• Xavier  University

Review Centers

• Assumption College 
• Adamson University
• Ateneo de Naga University
• Carl Balita Review Center (2)
• DELS in Cooperation with Pathways International
• East West Psychology Review Academy (2) 
• La Consolacion University Philippines
• Mega Minds Review Center (3)
• NCS
• P & P Center
• Pathways International Review Center (2)
• Psi Psychological Testing and Research Services
• Psy Review and Consultancy Center (2)
• Review Center for Allied Professions (3)
• SAGE Review Specialist (2)
• SPARK Review Center (6)
• SPC-ADDU Review Center
• St. Louis Review Center
• Sultan Review Group (2)
• TRIAD Psychological and Testing Review Center (4)

  

Reviewees Recommendations 
The questions asked was - What can you recommend to improve the services of your review center? Primarily responses can be categorized into: review approach and methodology; handouts/materials; monitoring, punctuality and schedule;  costs and others.



Review Approach and Methodology

• Not too long Examinations
• Eliminate extraneous variables like noise due to building construction. Pre-exam held for only a day. Really toxic.
• There should be at least two professor in each subject.. because there is an instance where the professor is having an emergency so we're forced to just leave because there's no one who gonna teach us.. because the owner and also the head professor needs to accompany that professor.
• Review center should revise the program of the review.
• Be more strict on the attendance.
• Stress the importance of ToS. Have multiple rationalization and continuous feedback in the exam. Test checking should be done with precision and explanation of the answer.
• More outcome based sample questions.
• Change some of the resource person & distribute the review materials earlier.
• Make the lectures more lively
• There should be more lecturers and more time for reviewing
• Create a team to ease the workload of the academic coordinator.
• More set of practice questions to answer especially during weekends.
• Provide the extra needs of the reviewees and the instructors should not be boring.
• Longer time to prepare
• Style of lecturing of instructors should be defined by expectations in review centers, not classroom setting. But it was understandable because the instructors didn't have experience in sitting in review centers.
• Psychologist and Psychometrician should not be combine
• Choose competent set of proctors and better lecturers with mastery of the subjects
• Invite more knowledgable lecturers. They and the review center staff should also encourage their students more in doing better in the review sessions and in the actual licensure examination.
• Use more questions and rationalization to learn more
• More time for Psychological Assessment and More test to develop testing skills.

Handouts and Materials

• More useful handouts and test taking techniques and practice.
• Better handouts presentation, not merely printed powerpoint.
• Give the review materials before the lecture start or at least right after
• Provision of handouts(hard copy) which you can read at your own comfort instead of soft copies
• Provide actual hard copy ng handouts, longer length of review, more time for subjects
• I hope they will provide handouts and be prepared with ppts. Initially, they were not giving us our previous test papers for our reviewer materials but on the last few weeks, they gave us everything but without the answer key. They do not provide handouts. Before, apart from the fee, we also pay for photocopies of test paper. They also asked us for separate final coaching fee. Initially, we were almost 70 but at the end of the review, we were less than 20 because the other reviewees gave up beause of their system.
• Uploading of lectures should be immediate or right after the discussion
• Online ppts should be sent on time not 2 days before the exam (juice colored). 
• Improve the print out materials and summary notes.
• Double check the flashdrives some don't work

Cost

• The cost of the review was very expensive. It costs 11,500 and another 3,000 for the final coaching. Worse, the expenses for the handouts was not covered by the large amount we paid. We had to pay them for the copies of reviewers. And the whole review was not even outcome-based!
• Include handouts in the enrollment fee.
• None. It's just that it's too expensive

Monitoring, Schedule and Punctuality  

• Maybe it is better if we start on the right time, kasi meron yung mga weekends na ang schedule ay 8am pero nagsstart na ay 9am.
• Whole weekend sana. both sat and sunday.
• It will be more ok if there is frequent monitoring to the DLP by calling or doing internet phone call to check on progress

Others

• Snacks and foods
• Room space
• Facilities, design, schedule
• Provide White Board

Testimonials of Reviewees 

Not bad for a first time. Circumstances happened not in our favor are outside the center's control. But in the end, we were able to do what we need to do, e.g. final coaching.

Instructors are really good on their subject matter.  But there's this one instructor she's super fun but most of the time she's just telling stories and laughing.

Great! Very humble Review Director and Very helpful staffs. The professors are known  for  their respective field.

It was very beneficial.

One of the best.

The best!!

Please review with them.

The lessons should have been made concise, but still it was an okay experience because of the friendly staff and lecturers.

Supportive environment and great experience.

Indeed, it was a great privilege to part of the Team Triad. Having professors who are seasoned, passionate, and truly believing on what we can do challenges us to be the best we can be. Building the best in us means giving the best for us. God bless.

Great!! It is really informative and it really did give me new concepts and ideas.

Spark Review Center offers a wide variety of pedagogues to their students. From video presentation, analogies, practice test, study buddies, group works and many more. The review center molds its student to their fullest potential as a top notch Psychometrician or Psychologist  Filipino practicioner with integrity and work ethics.

The Best Review Environment

Approachable staff and trained instructors

I have a deep gratitude to our review center that whether I pass or fail they made a big help on my review.

Awesome!

Not so Satisfied Reviewees

The review center needs more reliable staff and lecturers

2nd Batch is inherently more cheap compare to the first batch. I noticed that no handouts were given and thus all ppt are in emails. You should be fortunate to have a printer at home to print it for free. Furthermore, I'd like them to make a rationalization of the answers per item. Or rather have the most difficult items be rationalized extensively. We are fortunate that the board were not so much tiring thus I should give the review center more ideas for improvement. -This statement is coming from a first batch having sit-ins in 2nd batch.

It did not really prepare me for Psych Assessment. no hard copy for handouts kasi puro lang powerpoint or kami mag sulat ng notes. Our lecturer in ab psych did not give her powerpoint or notes in ab psych kasi rumor has it that the lecturer is strict when it comes to distributing her powerpoint to others, which made reviewing abnormal psychology a struggle. 16 hours per subject was not enough, kasi siniksik yung mga topics in a short amount of time kaya yung retention eh hindi masyado mataas. Mabuti nalang maayos yung lecturer namin sa Industrial Psych at Theories of Personality kasi sila lang yung saving grace ng review namin.

Could be better.

If I were to make a testimonial, I will definitely not recommend this review center. Never.

It is a good review center but some lecturers are boring.

Related Links

http://psychometricpinas.blogspot.com/2015/01/good-and-least-performing-schools-of.html

http://psychometricpinas.blogspot.com/2014/11/official-result-from-prc-website.html

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.287826281427858.1073741834.139570119586809&type=3



Links to Facebook Posts of Review Centers

East West Psychology Review Academy
https://www.facebook.com/eastwestpsychologyreviewacademy/posts/1556970817851580
https://www.facebook.com/eastwestpsychologyreviewacademy/posts/1553511471530848

Megaminds
https://www.facebook.com/412728368826291/posts/686994248066367/
https://www.facebook.com/MegaMindsReviewCenter/posts/665452036887255

Pathways International
https://www.facebook.com/path.slacks/posts/1533173396941923
https://www.facebook.com/path.slacks/posts/1512486562343940


RCAP 
https://www.facebook.com/path.slacks/posts/1512486562343940

https://www.facebook.com/670086746382975/photos/a.670090123049304.1073741828.670086746382975/796194993772149/?type=1 

SPARK

https://www.facebook.com/SparkReviewCenter/posts/682012598572624

https://www.facebook.com/SparkReviewCenter/posts/681930438580840


Sultan Group 
https://www.facebook.com/sultanreviewgroup.psychreview/posts/1498025633797915
https://www.facebook.com/sultanreviewgroup.psychreview/posts/1498025607131251

Good and Least Performing Schools of the 2014 BLE for Psychometrician

(Data/table above is of schools with 85 and above examinees.)  Source: - https://www.facebook.com/psychometricianreviewer/photos/a.156299194580568.1073741830.139570119586809/291169341093552/?type=1&permPage=1


We consolidated data from the PRC result of the 2014 BLEPP for those schools with 35-73 examinees. Our objective is to see trends and patterns of schools performance. The data should inform those schools about their status as compared with other schools. And it should also serve as challenge both to schools and their graduates on the need to perform better in the 2015 BLEPP if warranted. Note that some schools are not included since their number is less than 35 and those schools with more than 73 are not also included in the list below.  The national passing rate is 39.31% and the following are the rates obtained by the schools listed below:

From the data above the following are the good performing schools (35 to 73 Examinees):

1) DLSU-Manila - 66.67% (DLSU-Manila is CHED's Center of Excellence for Psychology Program)

2) MSUIIT - 59.62%

3) Ateneo de Davao University - 54.76%

And the following schools could be categorized as least performing schools (35 to 73 Examinees):

1) UNIVERSITY OF CALOOCAN CITY (for. CALOOCAN CITY P.C.) - 6.98% 

2) SAN BEDA COLLEGE - 20.93%

3) OUR LADY OF FATIMA UNIVERSITY-VALENZUELA - 24.00%

There are 12 schools (half of the list above) that are below the national passing rate of 39.31% (35 to 73 Examinees):

Schools	% Passed
BULACAN STATE UNIVERSITY(for BCAT)-MALOLOS	36.36%
CENTRO ESCOLAR UNIVERSITY-MAKATI	32.43%
DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY DASMARIÑAS	27.66%
DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY-LIPA	32.88%
OUR LADY OF FATIMA UNIVERSITY-VALENZUELA -	24.00%
SAN BEDA COLLEGE	20.93%
SOUTHERN LUZON STATEUNIVERSITY-LUCBAN  (SLPC)	27.91%
TRINITY UNIVERSITY OF ASIA (TRINITY-QC)	27.66%
UNIVERSIDAD DE MANILA  (CITY COLL. OF MANILA)	25.53%
UNIVERSITY OF CALOOCAN CITY (for CALOOCAN CITY P.C.)	6.98%
UNIVERSITY OF MAKATI	27.50%
UNIVERSITY OF THE ASSUMPTION	28.57%

Related links:

http://psychometricpinas.blogspot.com/2014/11/transition-in-professionalizing.html

http://psychometricpinas.blogspot.com/2014/11/official-result-from-prc-website.html

http://psychometricpinas.blogspot.com/2014/11/congratulations-to-all-2014-pioneer.html

An Oath to Take

(Note: Below is a personal story of one of 2014 BLE Psychometrician topnotchers who preferred to be anonymous.)

Yesterday I took an oath... And lest I forget one of the most crucial time in my life... I decided to simply write about it.

GRADUATION.

Graduating from college was a very powerful and empowering experience. It was pure bliss. And to be able to have a degree at one of the most excellent universities in the country was cherry on top. And so fresh from graduation I had the time of my life. Celebrations went on and on. I traveled with friends, climbed mountains, went to the provinces of my parents... I had not been able to stay at my house for a whole day I think. It was an unforgettable summer for me.

Everything had to end though. That  summer ended. And back in my room I was faced with this BIG QUESTION: What's next? Life taunts me... "Hey, what should you do with that degree you were so proud of?"

And I know then that I had to do something. So I started hunting jobs. But I was way too picky. I applied for jobs, passed those exams, calls here and there, all those necessary stuff. I received offers... which I all declined. Now, all of us know that applying for a job is HARD work. But I always find myself rejecting the jobs I had worked hard for. "WHY?" I asked myself every time. And the only answer I get is a vague "You know you're not ready."

I had a constant argument with myself. It went like this:

"You know you can be ready if you want to"

"Oh yeah?! That's not so simple.  My heart's not yet ready."

"You're impossible! That company is so good! You're wasting money, and we're talking about months of salary here!"

"I said I'm not yet ready."

And a new set of argument would follow suit. I wasn't ready, perhaps. Or maybe, I just needed lots of time to think things through. But I still had another problem... The Board Exam.

Honestly, I was one of those who felt unenthusiastic about BLEPP. It was just an unwanted burden that I had to take on. It made my possible career paths more difficult to achieve. I felt like Harry Potter. In a way, I was one of the first "chosen ones" who needed to walk on this unpaved road. Crazy. I felt like Harry Potter as he faced Voldemort. I was terrified. I'm aware that I was risking my name, my reputation, my dreams and a whole lot more. I'm even risking my sanity in the process, come to think of it.  And to think that I had to "waste" a precious 7 months to prepare for this hateful board exam was just too much. My life was literally put on hold. I was frustrated.

Ironically, I was one of the first few who enrolled in the review classes offered by my university. But that's only because my parents were already asking what I'd do with my life. So I put on a bright face and told them I want to review for the exam.

Funny thing is, I think I was the one who pushed my friends and blockmates (who were all as confused as I am right then) to enroll in the review classes. Haha. All I was thinking then is this: At least we've something to do... for now.  

I stopped applying for jobs. Yet I still wasn't taking the review seriously. I only went to classes because I miss my blockmates and my beautiful university. I was going through the motions. I had awful test scores every time. But I didn't care. Not really. Until I realized that I was not being myself. This is not me anymore. I've always been persistent. And when I do something, I give it the best I've got. My dislike of the board exam got in the way of my enthusiasm for life. So I decided to turn this "threat" into a "challenge" that I have to take. And I do take challenges very seriously.

Also, I  wanted to take this review time not just so I can pass the board exam, but that so I can retain most of what I've learned in the 4 years I've studied this beautiful course, Psychology. I've always been and will always be inlove with this subject. Looking back, I chose this course just because... Just because.  Haha. It was a spontaneous decision. I just wanted to study a versatile course because I still do not know what to do with my life then. I was soul-searching, in a way. But I never regretted that one spontaneous decision that changed my life. However, I realized after graduation that the versatility of this course is a double-edged sword. I wanted to be a Guidance Counselor on my first year in college, an HR Manager the next year, Clinical Psychologist on the third,  Social Worker the next, or a preschool teacher perhaps?! I wanted to do all of that. I was frustrated. Yet this review time enabled me to gather my thoughts and decide on what I really want to do with my life...

Moment by moment, I've found myself being enthusiastic and joyful about all of this. I struggle every now and then, old doubts creep in sometimes... The chances of failure was huge. But then there were my friends. I had them during college, I still have them now. Even though some of them went to med school, some are now working, others migrated... their love and support are still with me. They touched me in ways different with that of my family. Perhaps because they chose me, and stayed anyway :)

Every now and then I studied with my reviewmates/friends at coffee shops (which always turns out to be kwento time! Lol). I thought that we couldn't get any closer by now, after 4 years of being together... but we did. Sharing all those test anxieties, bouts of fear and all those feelings related to unemployment and struggles toward maturity, we supported each other more than we could ever fathom... I loved them more than ever.  Also, I am now friends with college batchmates whom I haven't even said a single hello to when we were in college. Another thing is that I've been reunited with my highschool friends who also studied psychology. I was soooo happy to be with them again. Moreover, I became closer with my sister too! She's a law student and we were both too busy sometimes. But ever since I reviewed for the board exams we became closer than ever before.                                        
The most touching thing though is my relationship with God. I admit that I didn't have enough time for Him in college. Now, I started rekindling my love for Him. I started rereading the Bible. I started to say novenas, like novenas to St. Jude and St. Claire. I also faithfully attended every Wednesday a novena mass at Baclaran. Since then I got in touched with His Suffering Mother. She also faced the unknown, she also faced uncertainties like me right now... but she triumphed.  I was so drawn to her and she gave me so much strength. My supportive parents even accompanied me to Manaog. It was such a lovely place for a soul. I felt tranquility. This review time had been turned into a beautiful spiritual experience for me as well. Also, this was a secret, but I attended mass every single day as I review. My parents thought that I was just with friends or something. It's just that our church is near and I felt that I had so much time in my hands to not be able to give Him an hour of my everyday. Attending daily mass was such a big help to me, in ways that I can't fully explain.      

A couple of months passed. Everything's going so well for me. Enlightened, that's what I am. Happy and blessed, too. Until I only had a month...  Time was terribly fast. I've only finished TOP and bits of IO then. I know I know. It's because I also reviewed Gen Psych, Biopsych, Social Psych, Beh. Measurement & Analysis and Human Dev't... Ok I know, I'm crazy. But I promised to review everything right? So I can retain the four precious years of study... But due to my stubbornness, now I barely have time anymore for the other subjects. And when I think of all the time I read novels... argh. Anyway so week by week I crammed everything as much as possible. But it was still in vain.


MOCK EXAMS

Those exams mocked me, alright.  The mock exams turned out to be a diagnostic exams for me. I didn't follow the pacing of our review classes. So there. I was so scared by now.

A week before the exams I was convinced I wouldn't be able to pass. Despite my faith that God could grant anything for me, I meekly told Him that no matter what happens I'd understand and I'd still be thankful for the Halcyon days He has given me.

Still, I cringe everytime I tried to picture myself failing the exams. I really tried to accept it in advance. I know that I do not deserve to pass. But I think of my parents and they sure deserve to see their daughter pass. If there was anyone as concerned as I with my future, it was my family. I couldn't bear to disappoint them. I would be shattered if I fail. Later on I learned that my father was worried that I wouldn't pass so he prayed (he's not really spiritual).

Two days before the exam I went to a Mcdo Cafe so I can burn the midnight oil with a friend. Guess what, I finished 5 large coffee refills just so I'd stay awake to finish our entire book for Human Resouce Management. I'm a fast reader, but I haven't finished it, much to my dismay. It was six am when we went home. Clap, clap, clap. That was the first time since college that I'd stay awake after midnight just to study. I've still got a day to study but I haven't even started reviewing Psych Assessment. I was so forlorn. Besides  I have no inkling on how to study that subject. I studied our handouts (I haven't even read any of our handouts yet) but I felt that it wasn't enough. By then I know that my chances of passing are getting slimmer.


THE EXAMS

Those 2 days of examination... The exams... Everything's a blur. I remember that I was studying until the very last minute. I couldn't help it. I know very well that I should be resting and stuff, but I can't. I was panicking, my heart was filled with this sickly dread that everything would go wrong. On the first day I only had 4 hours of sleep. I was nauseatingly nervous and sleepy and hopeful all at the same time. I went to St Jude first thing in the morning since I was just assigned to UE. It turned out that it was the feast day of St. Jude! Yaaay! I've always been a devotee. That morning I lighted those set of colorful candles (each color with a diff. meaning) and hoped for the best.

I was so confident with TOP but as I took the exam my confidence level dropped to zero. I was so confused about those items. I was astounded to know that I do not know this and that  (my favorite subject is TOP). At the end of the day I became depressed. I was shocked too, that others seem so confident while I was in pure misery.

Now, my friends and I wanted to attend the mass at St. Jude Shrine to be celebrated by Archbishop Tagle. Hours before the mass the church was already full, and we're lucky that we went early. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep while waiting. The mass was so long but it was worth it. That night I had 4 hours of sleep yet again. So I was sooo sleepy the next day, and I was even more devastated about the exams. I had a severe case of trichotillomania as I "tried" answering psych assessment. It was pure guesswork on my part and I was so so unhappy after finishing it.


WAITING...

Waiting for the results was agony... I dare not hope to pass. I was in a daze. Right after the exam I slept for 18 hours straight. 18 Hours! Classic regression. I cocooned myself in my room. After a while I tried to act okay but I was really depressed about the exams. I was in denial. I was like, "Is it really over?! Can I take it again pleeeasse?". I was even angry for all those involved with the test construction. It was awful to take an exam with typos and grammatical errors. I was so afraid of the results that I asked my friends to just look for my name as soon as the results come out. I haven't any courage.
                   
                                
The final Judgement


I was online when a friend sent a message. Reading "Congrats!" made my heart jumped for joy. I couldn't believe it until she sent the link. I was sooo happy. My mom was shaking as I said that I passed.  I was shaking badly too! Excitement and joy mingled, my sympathetic nervous system was on fire, the fb notifs was crazy, and I'm deliriously happy.


BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE...

Midnight came and my blockmates congratulated me... for being a topnotcher.

"HA. HA HA AS IF". "WHAT AGAIN?! SRSLY??! DI NGA?"

Yet I looked it up and my name was there! I refreshed the 'abs-cbn news' page ten times just to be sure but my name was still there! WOW. YAAAY! IT'S TRUE! I never imagined that one coming! My mom and sister were jumping out of joy...

YESTERDAY'S  OATH TAKING

At PICC, it all came back. All the emotion I felt came crashing down on me as I went up the stage. Gratitude, immense happiness, a sense of accomplishment... Who would have thought that I, a happy-go-lucky soul, would be able to receive a medal and be standing right before such astounding persons who contributed much to psychology as a profession here in our country. And to be able to see such pride in the eyes of our college dean, my professors and especially my parents as I wore the medal... It all came back. All I can say is, thank you. I was basking in my loved ones' admiration and joy.

Now that it's over I just wanted to sear these memories in my mind, in my heart and in my soul. Lest I forget... People forget. I may forget. One thing's for sure, the person I am before all of this is so different to the person I am right now. No regrets. I'm so funny, I thought that I'd be wasting my time with this board exams. I was wrong. I was so wrong. It made me fall in love with psychology all over again. It bought me time for myself, bought me serenity, helped me grow to maturity, enabled  me to get closer with my friends, family and especially God... Truly, no matter what I'll face in the future, I'll be a better version of myself. So help me God.

Defeat not an option

Image source https://allbuthomeless.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/defeat.jpg

Defeat is not an option

by Anonymous Psychometrician

It was third week of August when I decided to take the board exam. It was a struggle. Dealing out with the requirements marks the impending doom that is ahead of me. Time, energy and money we’re all essential part of the process. I also began collecting hand-out materials, PDF files, books, and everything that may help me freshen up my memory with all the essential topics that I have to review. I have to do it by myself, without a review center. It was mid-September when I finally accomplished my application, it was a relief. I didn’t realize it’s really just the beginning.

There and then, I decided to start browsing my resources. But life as you planned it doesn’t come that easy.    Juggling a full time (demanding) job and a part time job (both are unrelated to the field) gave me no chance to glimpse even a single sheet of a hand-out. I go home tired and exhausted.  I started to lose hope as the exam is fast approaching. I guess October wasn’t a good month for me, and I just want the exam to be over, pass or fail, it wouldn’t matter. I’ve learned my lesson, the hard way. Always look before you leap.

I’ve come to a realization that I will not let myself be defeated just like that. Maybe, I can give a little fight. So starting the 2^nd week of October,  after work, I allot at least an hour to review. Weekends became my bestfriend too. I tried taking online quizzes, but all my scores are flunk. It was hard. Reality was hitting me. All I know is that I wasn’t fully equipped, but I was learning.

Fast forward…

A day before the exam, I’ve met my friends in Manila. Travelling back and forth would be exhausting so we decided to find a place to accommodate us. It wasn’t easy, AGAIN. After roaming around the streets of Manila we decided to stay in a not-so-accommodating-hotel (we don’t have any option anymoreL). It was around 8:30 PM when we checked-in, and all we wanted was to take a rest. No more review for the night because of the physical and mental fatigue! Oh extraneous variables!

Day of exam! Tummy ache, lack of sleep, Kaba, and all. Patong-patong. I even forgot my PRC receipt! HAHA. And the exam had begun (DON’T FORGET TO PRAY, IT HELPS). After taking Theories of Personality, I was shocked. It was difficult. The concepts were quite familiar, but I cannot seem to find the answers. ‘I SHOULD HAVE STUDIED MORE INTENTLY. I FAIL TO PREPARE’. It was a blame game. And then, overhearing other examinees that it was a not-so-difficult-test for them just added a pinch of frustration.

I took each exam nearly an hour and a couple of minutes. Two hours for Assessment (HARDCORE). I kept calm during the exam. I tried to remember everything. Analyse. Think. Shade. Skip. Go back. Shade. Skip. Guess. Shade C. Shade. Repeat. Ohhh. I was laughing at myself, really. The exam was generally difficult (considering the time of my preparation and the quality of my review). I got some sure items and a lot of not so. It’s still a good time. At least, I’ve experienced how it feels to take a board exam.

And just like that, it was over. I prayed again, that no matter what the results be, I’ll just be thankful for all the realization I’ve come to understand. I gain more than I lose. From that day, I let the world decide on the outcome. I did my best, I guess. And then I moved on.

It was midnight when I received the news about the result. I PASSED, luckily. The feeling was ecstatic. I believe that my success was partly from hard work, and partly from luck. I didn’t give up, I fought, and now I am a victor of my own battle. 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE BOARD PASSERS! WE ARE THE PIONEERS! THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING ELSE! J

Ang Pangalawang Pagbabalik

Ang Pangalawang Pagbabalik

ni Clariza Arandia, RPm

Nais kong ibahagi ang aking mga naging karanasan sa aking paglalayag patungo sa isla ng tagumpay. Nawa'y magsilbing inspirasyon ang aking kwento sa mga nais kumuha ng Psychometrician licensure exam sa susunod na taon.

Hindi planado ang pagkuha ko ng board exam ngayong taon. Kahit kailan ay hindi sumagip sa aking isipan na dagdagan ang aking mga bagaheng pinapasan. Ako ay kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho bilang isang student mentor (counselor) ng isang pribadong eskwelahan sa Cavite. Masasabi kong hindi biro ang aking mga gawain. Minsan ay gabi na akong nakakauwi matapos lamang ang aking mga gawain. Kasabay nito ay ang aking pag-aaral ng MAEd in Guidance and Counseling sa DLSU-D tuwing Sabado mula 6:30 ng umaga hanggang 5:00 ng hapon. Sa loob ng anim na araw, bukas-palad kong tinanggap ang nararanasan kong pagkahapo sa dami ng aking mga iniintinding gawain. Tanging Linggo lamang ako nakapagpapahinga at nakapaglalaan ng panahon sa aking pamilya at iniibig.

Isang araw ay napagusapan sa aming opisina ang pagkuha ng Psychometrician board exam. Bilang isang nagtapos ng Sikolohiya noong nakaraang taon, kasama ng aking katrabaho, kami ay hinimok ng aming head na kumuha ng exam. Napabuntong-hininga ako ng araw na iyon dahil alam ko sa aking sarili na hindi sapat ang panahong mailalaan ko sa pag-aaral. Lubusan naming pinagisipan ang minungkahi ng aming head hanggang sa nagising na lamang ako isang araw na pumapasok na rin ako tuwing Linggo, ang tanging araw ng aking pahinga. Mula Cavite, ako ay lumuluwas ng Quezon City upang pumasok sa isang review center.

Hindi naging madali ang aking paglalayag. Madalas akong daanan ng bayo at malakas na ihip ng hangin na halos ikagiba ng aking sinasakyang barko - ang aking pagtitiwala sa aking sarili. Araw-araw akong pagod at madalas nakakatulog kung saan-saan – sa jeep, sa klase at sa pagrereview. Masasabi kong nahirapan ako sa pagbalanse ng aking trabaho, pag-aaral, pagrereview at buhay pag-ibig. Hindi ko lubusang maisip na ipinasok ko ang aking sarili sa isang sitwasyong walang kasiguraduhan. Masakit man sa aking kalooban ay may mga bagay akong pansamantalang binitawan upang aking magampanan ang aking mga tungkulin. Kinausap at ipinaunawa ko sa aking nobyo ang aking sitwasyon at aking hiniling na bawasan ang aming pagkikita hanggang sa matapos ang aking exam. Hindi rin ako nakadalo sa mga reunion kasama ang aking mga kaibigan. Bilang tagapamalantsa ng mga damit ng aking mga kapatid at magulang, hiniling ko rin sa aking ina na panandaliang angkinin ang aking responsibilidad. Halos mapabayaan ko rin ang aking sarili dahil sa tuwing umuuwi ako galing trabaho at eskwelahan, madalas na nakakatulog akong nakaupo sa sala at hindi nakakapagpalit ng damit. Ngunit sa kabila ng aking napagdaanan, nalaman ko kung sino ang tunay na nagmamalasakit, nagmamahal at nagtitiwala sa aking kakayahan.

Sabay-sabay dumating ang mabibigat na gawain sa huling tatlong linggo bago ang board exam. Nariyan ang mock board exam sa review center na aking pinasukan, mga requirements at final exams sa aking masteral at mga programa, referral at report na kailangang tapusin sa trabaho. Hindi ko alam ang aking uunahin kung kaya’t minsan ay napapaluha, napapaluhod at tumatawag na lamang ako sa Kanya upang bigyan ako ng lakas na tapusin ang lahat ng aking dapat gawin. Halos hindi na rin ako nakakatulog sa dami ng mga gawaing nakatambak sa aking lamesa. Minsan ay naabutan ako ng aking lola na nakayuko at natutulog sa harapan ng laptop. Awang-awa niya akong pinagtimpla ng kape at pinaalalahanan na pangalagaan ang aking sarili. Ang tanging nasasambit ko na lamang sa tuwing ako’y kanyang sinasabihan ay, “Panginoon, tulungan niyo ako”. 

Alam ko sa aking sarili na hindi sapat ang aking mga nareview para pumasa. Madalas ko kasing nahuhuli sa listahan ng mga dapat kong gawin ang pagbabasa ng aking libro at paghahanda ng aking sarili para sa board exam. Tanging ang libro ko sa Theories of Personality noong kolehiyo pa ako ang aking nababasa. Ang masama ay nangangalahati pa lamang ako sa libro at kulang na kulang na talaga ang oras ko para mapaghandaan ang board exam. Hanggang sa aking napagdesisyunan na maglaan ng apat na araw para sa apat na subject para makapagaral at makapaghanda pa ako. Ako ay nag-file ng leave dala na rin ng takot na hindi makapasa sa exam. Ang unang araw ng aking leave ay nilaan ko sa pagbisita sa St. Jude College kasama ang aking nobyo. Nagpunta at nagdasal rin kami sa iba’t-ibang simbahan upang humingi ng gabay sa nalalapit kong exam. Natapos ang unang araw ng aking leave na pagod mula sa lakad at byahe.

Ngunit ako’y nagkamali sa pagaakalang magiging madali ang pagaaral kung ako’y maglalaan ng isang araw para sa bawat subject dahil nagmistulang kabayo ako sa bilis ng aking pagbabasa. Tatlong araw na lang bago ang exam. Mangiyak-iyak akong nag-aral mula 3:00 am hanggang 12:00 am kada araw ngunit tila ba’y wala nang impormasyong pumapasok sa aking isipan. Hanggang sa dumating ang October 27, isang araw bago ang board exam. Nagmistulang energy drink ang mataas na lebel ng aking kaba ng araw na iyon. Hindi pa rin ako natigil sa pag-aaral hanggang sa inumaga na ako sa pagbabasa at nagising ang aking lola para ihanda ang aking babauning pagkain at inumin. Alas-dos na ng umaga nang nagising na rin ang aking ina at binigyan ako ng dalawang dark chocolate para raw makatulong sa akin. Umalis ako ng aming bahay sa Cavite ng mga alas-tres kasama ang aking nobyo upang samahan ako sa aking paglalayag papuntang Manila. Habang nasa byahe ay sobrang nanginginig ang aking mga kalamnan sa kaba. Hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng mga negatibong bagay dahil sa nararamdaman ko sa aking sarili na hindi pa ako handang mag-exam. Gustong umatras ng dalawa kong paa at matulog na lamang sa aking kwarto ngunit alam ko sa aking sarili na hindi iyon maaari. Kailangan kong ipagpatuloy ang nasimulan kong paglalayag. Ang tanging pinanghawakan ko na lamang ng sandaling iyon ay ang malaking pagtitiwala ng mga mahal ko sa buhay sa aking kakayahan. Bumalik sa aking ala-ala ang mga binigkas nilang pananalita na talaga naming tumaim sa aking isip at damdamin. “Kayang-kaya mo yan! Kung nagawa mong magtagumpay noong kolehiyo ka, magagawa mo rin ngayon!” “Sa nakita kong hirap mo dyan sa lamesa, paniguradong pasado ka na!” “Huwag kang kabahan, magtiwala ka sa sarili mo.” Ayoko silang biguin sa kabila ng lahat ng mga tulong at suportang ipinagkaloob nila sa akin. 

Nang makarating kami sa lugar, umupo kami sa mga upuan sa gilid ng eskwelahan at naghintay na tawagin at papasukin kami sa loob. Habang naghihintay ng oras, naririnig ko ang mga kwento ng ibang examinees. Mataas ang pagtitiwala nila sa kanilang sarili. Ang iba naman ay may nararamdaman ring kaba sa dibdib. Mayroon rin akong narinig na ang pagpasa sa board exam ay suwertihan lamang raw. Bigla kong naisip, “paano na lamang kung hindi ako swerte, hindi na ba ako makakapasa?” Taimtim na lamang akong nagdasal na gabayan ako ng Maykapal sa aking exam hanggang sa makapasok na ako sa loob ng aming kwarto. Ang aking nobyo naman ay naiwan sa labas at naghintay hanggang sa matapos ang aking exam. Pinaupo ako ng proctor sa tapat ng kanilang lamesa at inatasan nila akong magdasal para sa aming grupo. Sinimulan kong sagutan ang exam at aminado akong nahirapan sa ilang mga items. Bago ako umuwi ng aming bahay ay dumaan ako sa Simbahan ng Poong Nazareno upang magpasalamat sa paggabay sa akin sa araw na iyon. Habang ako ay nakapila patungo sa Poong Nazareno ay may nakita akong babaeng nagdarasal habang buhat-buhat ang kanyang anak na may sakit. Bigla akong napaluha at naisip na malaki ang pananampalataya niya sa Maykapal sa kabila ng kanilang pinagdaraanan. Hindi siya nawawalan ng pag-asa gaano man kalubak ang kanyang daang tinatahak. Binigyan niya ako ng inspirasyong ipagpatuloy ang aking nasimulan at tapusin ang board exam kasama ang Panginoon.

Dumating ang pangalawang araw ng exam at baon ko pa rin ang suporta at tiwala ng aking mga magulang. Ngunit, hindi naging madali ang pangalawang araw ng exam. Umalis ako ng eskwelahan ng malungkot at baon ang takot na hindi makapasa. Dumaan ulit kami sa Poong Nazareno at doon ay hindi ko napigilang umiyak. Pinapatahan ako ng aking nobyo ngunit hindi ko mapigilan ang aking sarili. Iyak pa rin ako ng iyak habang nagdarasal. Pagkatapos ay niyaya ko siya na magsimba sa National Shrine of Mother of Perpetual Help. Hindi ko pa ring maiwasang umiyak habang dumadalangin sa Kanya. 

Lumipas ang dalawang araw ay naisipan kong dumalaw ulit kay St. Jude upang magpasalamat sa paggabay niya sa akin noong nag-exam ako. Kahit na nahirapan ako, alam kong hindi niya ako pinabayaan. Bago ako umalis ng simbahan ay kumuha ako ng nobena niya at kinagabihan ay dinasal ko iyon. Nakalagay sa nobena na matutupad ang ano mang panalangin gaano man kaimposible ito bago o sa loob ng siyam na araw nang pagdarasal ng nobena ni St. Jude. Buong-puso ako naniwala at nanalangin araw-araw hanggang sa dumating ang ika-limang araw ng aking panalangin. Iyon din ang araw na ilalabas ang resulta ng exam. Sinamahan ko ang aking kapatid sa kaniyang kwarto at doon ay dinalangin ko ang nobena ni St. Jude hanggang sa ako’y nakatulog. Ginising ako ng aking ina ng alas-onse ng gabi upang palipatin ng kwarto. Ngunit kaysa na lumipat sa aking kwarto ay bumaba ako sa sala upang doon ipagpatuloy ang aking pagtulog. Nasanay kasi akong matulog sa sala noong panahon na sobra akong pagod galing sa trabaho at eskwelahan. Halos nakapikit pa akong naglakad patungo sa aming set nang narinig kong tumunog ang aking cellphone. Hinanap ko ito at binuksan ang isang mensahe mula sa aking kasamahan sa trabaho. Biglang lumaki ang aking mata at nanginig ang aking mga kamay nang mabasa ko ang salitang “congratulations”. Agad-agad kong hinanap sa google ang resulta ng board exam. Una kong nakita ang announcement ng GMA 7 at binuksan ko agad ito upang hanapin ang pangalan ko. Napaiyak na lamang ako ng aking makita ang buong pangalan kong nakalista sa mga pasado, ARANDIA, CLARIZA HILARIO. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nagawa ko at nagawa ng Panginoong gabayan ako patungo sa isla ng tagumpay. Biglang bumalik sa aking ala-ala ang lahat ng mga taong umunawa, sumuporta at naniwala sa akin. Tunay ngang nabubuhay ang ating Panginoon sa imahe ng mga taong nakapaligid sa atin. Kinabukasan, niyakap at pinasalamatan ko ang aking mga magulang. Tulad ng aking nararamdaman, sila’y nagagalak sa aking matagumpay na paglalakbay. Sa loob-loob ko, hindi ako makakabalik sa lugar kung saan ako nagtapos ng kolehiyo kung wala ang mga taong nagsilbing biyaya sa aking buhay at kung wala ang presensya ng Panginoon sa aking tabi.

Ang Kwelang Kwento ni Kuya Psych

Ang Kwelang Kwento ni Kuya Psych

ni Ian Rae Estores, RPm

I. ELEMENTARY and HIGH SCHOOL YEARS

Suki ng Guidance Office dahil agresibo sa kaklase at mga guro, dahil sa panununtok ng kaklase at kahit mas bata, kahit mas matanda a sa kanya. Lahat ng siguro ng kabulastugang ginawa ko, nagawa ko na ata – lumayas, magtangkang magpakamatay at pumatay.

II. SUMMER 2010

Hindi pa rin sigurado kung itutuloy pa rin ba talaga ang pangarap kong kurso, ARCHITECTURE, pinuntahan ako ng kaibigang pari ng nanay ko.

“Ano ba talagang gusto mo?”

“Maging Architect po!” (May doubt kahit papaano)

“Alam mo maganda yung Clinical Psychology.” – gusto ng nanay at kapatid ko para sa akin.

“Hehe”

Simula noon, napaisip ako kung ano ba talaga yung PSYCHOLOGY. Akala ko noon, yung pinag-aaralan doon ay yung pagapalutang ng mga gamit (telekinesis), pag-“hunt” ng mga multo (paranormal ‘hunting’?) o kaya pagbabasa ng isip (wrong notion ng karamihang Pilipino). Nakakatawa ‘di ba? Oo! ‘Yan yung mga bagay na naisip ko kung ano ba yung mga pinag-aaralan doon. No joke ‘yun!

Tumatawa ka pa rin ba? ‘Wag kang mag-alala, ‘yun yung in-enroll kong kurso!

III. SUMMER 2011

Inaayos ko na lahat dahil mags-shift ako ng kurso- from PSYCHOLOGY to OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY – anong nangyari? Siguro hindi talaga para sa akin ang PSYCHOLOGY – hindi ko pa kasi natutunan ang pagpapalipad ng mga gamit eh (SADNU?) – dahil doon, kinausap ako ng Chairperson ng Psychology Department na ituloy ko pa kahit konti na lang (may nakita sigurong potential sa akin- konting practice pa daw!)

IV. COLLEGE YEARS (2011-2014)

Tinuloy ko pa rin ang pag-aaral ng Psychology kahit hindi talaga ito ang gusto ko. Walang magagawa (learned helplessness), kailangan ko talagang tapusin eh. Pinagdaanan ko ang malulupit na subjects – Psychological Statistics at Counseling – dahil “terror” ang professor at hindi ako empathic. Flat affect ako kadalasan lalo na sa mga bagay na hindi patok sa panlasa ko at dahil dito, maraming nagsasabi sa akin na hindi talaga bagay sa akin ang Psychology. (Well, I proved them wrong!)

Sa subject na Abnormal Psychology, tumatak sa akin yung report ko about sa Dissociative Disorders ang Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD/ DID). Isa sa paborito kong disorders ang DID dahil sa astig na description nito at pati na rin ang Aperger’s Disorder dahil nabasa ko siya sa isang novel ni Jodi Picoult (House Rules).

Internship ang pinakapaborito kong part ng last college year ko kasi maa-apply ko na ang natutunan ko sa pagpapalipad ng mga gamit! YEEES! To be specific, clinical internship ang pinakagusto ko sa lahat. ‘Yung feeling na hindi mo maiwanan yung institution (na-delay ako sa 2 kong huling internships) dahil sa mga co-interns mo and sa mga patients na nakikita mong masaya – the best feeling ng isang Psychology student or Clinical Psychologist na siguro ‘yon (hindi ako flat affect).

V. SUMMER 2014

Nag-post ako sa Tumblr tungkol sa pangarap ko. Sad to say, related career/s sa Psychology ay hindi kasama doon. Iba pa rin talaga ang sinasabi ng puso’t isip ko- pagsusulat at pagguhit. Sa edad na 20, na-experience ko (hanggang ngayon) ang identity crisis. Lahat naman siguro tayo takot sa hinaharap (NO EXCEPTIONS!), ‘yung mga tanong na ‘Ano ba talaga ang role ko bilang isang tao?’ o ‘Itutuloy ko ba yung napagtapos ko?’, ‘yan kadalasan ang mga tanong natin sa sarili lalo na sa mga taong napilitan lang sa kurson natapos nila.

VI. THE PREPARATIONS, OBSTACLES, and THE BLEPP EXPERIENCE

By April, dahil bored sa bahay, COC lang pampalipas oras ko. Alam ko na may board exam na for Psychometricians and Psychologist but I don’t care! Hindi ko naman pinangarap ‘yun!

      By May, confused pa rin ako kung ano bang gagawin ko. Pa-FB-FB lang, scroll up, scroll down. Voila! May post ang Psychological Association of the Philippines (PAP), konting click at basa lang saglit sa timeline at nakita ko yung cover photo nila:

        Nung nakita ko ‘yun, agad kong hinanap yung librong kasama sa kit sa PAPJA 2014 at binasa ko ‘yun:

        “Important milestones to be an inspiration and to achieve aspirations.”

       Na-motivate ako para kumuha ng board examination at alam kong may sinasabi sa akin kung bakit nagpakita sa FB ko ‘yung PAP (delusion of reference).

         By June, nag-enroll ako sa isang review center, wala pa akong na-aaral dun sa 4 na subjects (happy-go-lucky talaga ako). New people, new friends and new learnings – hindi ako sumama sa mga classmate ko na nasa ibang review center para maiba naman makita kong pagmumukha pati na rin may makilalang bagong kaibigan at to be more motivated to study (konyo tone).

        Naging isa sa high scorers sa Theories of Personality, I still doubt my knowledge and abilities. “Dito lang ako mataas. Hindi naman sure na papasa ako sa board exam dahil lang dito.”, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Uncertainty – ‘yan ang pinakaproblema ng 1st takers, hindi mo alam kung tama ba ang reference na binabasa mo o kung yung mga questions ba na nababasa mo sa Philippine Psychometrician Reviewer ang lalabas (special mention).

      By  August, dahil sa doubt ko sa sarili, nag-apply ako sa isang clinic (in-case na bumagsak sa examination) at nakuha ko naman ang trabaho! ‘Wag mo nang itanong kung ilang buwan ako nagtagal doon kasi hindi umabot ng 1 buwan. Focused na ako sa pag-aaral ko sa board exam and other personal matters (kasama na yung pagkumpleto ng requirements for PRC) kaya may role confusion na nangyari. After that, almost 1 month kong pinagisipan kung ito ba talaga ang gusto ko – ‘yung pagkuha ng board exam. Ang ewan talaga ng feeling ko during that month.

       Depression, anxiety, binge-eating due to stress, insomnia at encopresis (joke lang!), ‘yan yung mga naranasan ko habang papalapit na ang mismong araw ng board exam. Yung huli kong tingin ay ’70 DAYS BEFORE BLEP’ tapos bigla na lang naging ’20 DAYS BEFORE BLEP’.

          “S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y!!!???”

         Ganon pala talaga kabilis: ‘pag may inaantay ka, its either na minamadali mo ang sarili mo o mas nagiging mabilis lang talaga mga pangyayari sa paligid mo (‘wag kang mag-alala, dadating din ang taong para sa’yo).

             5…4…3…2…1 DAY BEFORE BLEPP!!! Tug-dug-tug-dug-tug-dug… Oh my GGGGG!!! 

            “Bukas na ang mismong araw ng exam”

           Konting basa lang ng Theories of Personality at Industrial Psychology sa umaga at sa hapon naman scan lang sa Abnormal Psychology and Assessment, partida: bantay ako sa tindahan kasi ako lang mag-isa sa bahay, bale bawas pa yung nilaan kong oras para mag-aral.

“Bahala na! May tiwala ako sa sarili ko. Alam kong ito ang gusto Niya para sa akin!”

VII. 1ST DAY (OCTOBER 28)

Nagising ako ng bandang 2 AM para mag-scan, natulog saglit at nag-text na ako sa mga kakilala kong test takers ng GOODLUCK. Habang naliligo, iniisip ko na professor ako na tinuturo yung theories nila Freud, Jung, Adler, Allport, Horney at Fromm sa tubig. Ang galing kasi attentive sila!

Sinamahan ako ng kapatid ko sa MLQU para suportahan ako. ‘Pag baba ng jeepney ang daming mga naka-uniform and white polo shirts, may nakita nga akong may naka-gray eh! Ang dami pala talagang test takers: from 20s to 50s siguro yung isa kong nakita and from different regions pa! Salu-salo ng mga Sikolohista – pangalawa na ito sa PAPJA kung ganon!

Maraming nagbabasa ng notes, may mga mini reunion sa hallways, kaway doon, kaway dito. Nakita ko mga co-interns ko at yung mga classmates ko sa review center. “THIS IS IT!” kahit na kinakabahan ako, OK lang sa akin kungbumagsak this is also an experience of a 1st timer.

“Easy lang yung exam!”

“Ang hirap nga eh!”

Ilan lang ‘yan sa mga narinig ko sa nag-uusap na examinees.

Oo, madali nga yung T.o.P at Industrial Psychology (yabang!). Kampante ako sa resulta nito at binilang ko pa mga sure kong tamang sagot, buti pasok sa baseline na 60%.

VIII. 2ND DAY (OCTOBER 29)

Walang review sa ethics, common sense ang puhunan. Naiwanan ko pa reviewer ko sa Abnormal Psychology.

        Ang huling 2 subjects na masakit sa ulo dahil sa sobrang daming terms na kakaiba (hindi pa kasama ang mga specific phobias) at mga bagong terms. Kabado ako sa Abnormal Psychology, hindi ko alam kung tama ba yung mga pinagsasasagot ko. Ginamit ko talaga talino ko! (HAHA!)

          Nung Psychological Assessment na: HAHAHAHAHA..HEHEHEHEHE…HUHUHUHU! 

          “Ano ‘tong mga tanong na ‘to?”, nasabi ko sa sarili ko.

        Naging anxious ako sa Psychological Assessment, hindi ata talaga ako papasa. Scan muna ng test questionnaire – from page 1: Ang hirap ng mga tanong, sinimulan ko naman sa last page: Mahirap pa din mga tanong. Inumpisahan ko sa mga questions na mahirap. Gumamit pa ako ng calculator para: maging anxious ibang examinee (bad boy…joke lang!) at para malaman ko yung code na in-implant ko sa utak ko kasi medyo slow ako sa numbers and kakaibang terms, prepared ako sa mga ganoong bagay.

          TAKE NOTE: WALA pong KODIGO sa calculator ko. Eto yung clue sa sinasabi ko, sigurado akong alam niyo ‘yan: 34-13-2/ 68-95-99.

             Mas mabuti nang bumagsak ako ng totoo, kaysa naman pumasa ako dahil sa nangodigo lang ako!

After ng exam, nagsimba ako at mga kasamahan ko sa may SSC-R at kumain para mag-celebrate dahil nabawasan na kami ng malaking STRESS!

            Masaya ako sa performance ko sa 4 na exams. Kahit hindi ako sigurado sa resulta, may tiwala pa rin ako sa sagot ko (‘yun ang pinakamahalaga!).

IX. THE RESULTS ARE IN… DIM THE LIGHTS AND HERE WE GO! (NOVEMBER 4)

Inaantay ko pa rin ang resulta. Dinownload ko pa yung SPERM app ng SPARK, naghintay ako ng ilang oras--- WALA PA RIN at biglang may nag-comment sa isa kong group.

“Congratulations Ian!”

“Huh? Pasado ako?”

*walang reply*

“Link naman diyan.”

*post ng link*

Still loading ang website ng GMA. Ang tagal lumabas ng content. Nanginginig at giniginaw ako (isa kong sign na may good news talaga o kapag kinikilig ako. Pwe!) kahit na hindi ako sigurado kung pasado ba talaga ako.

May mga nagte-text na sa akin, hindi pa rin lumalabas yung content sa website ng GMA. Ate ko pa unang nakakita ng mismong list! Biglang may tumawag sa akin at congratulations nga daw.

Nakita ko rin pangalan ko sa list ang nagpost na ako ng status at picture ng list kung saan nandun yung pangalan ko. 50-50 yung naramdaman ko- magiging masaya ba ako dahil pasado ako o magiging malungkot ako kasi ilan sa mga kakilala ko hindi nakapasa – kaya medyo guilty din ako sa pag-post ng picture habang cine-celebrate ko yung pagkapasa ko.

(Ang dami kong pinagdaanan bago ko malaman kung ano ba talaga yung gusto ko. Maraming nagbago sa akin nung panahong pinaghahandaaan ko yung BLEPP. Kung maaalala niyo yung conversation ko sa isang pari, Clinical Psychology ang napupusuan ko ngayon at syempre dahil hilig ko ang pagbabasa at pagsusulat, nakikita kong magiging successful ako pagdating sa Research. Hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko na may mga bagay na kahit hindi natin gusto ay ‘yun pa yung mga bagay na pinagsisiksikan sa’yo ng nasa paligid mo. 

Tuwing babalikan ko yung mga nangyari sa akin, masasabi ko na: “May rason pala talaga kung bakit nangyayari sa atin yung mga bagay-bagay.” Para sa akin ang pagiging Psychometrician na ang isa doon. Ngayon, alam ko na kung ano ang dapat na ip-pursue kong career at ang sarap sabihin na:

“’Yung akala kong matututo ako ng TELEKINESIS, doon ko pala matututunan yung NEUROSIS at PSYCHOSIS!”)