Monday, August 1, 2016

Nabuhayan ako ng loob lumaban


(Mula sa private message sa ating Philippine Psychometrician Reviewer FB Page. Author's name was withheld per author request.)

Hi Philippine Psychometrician reviewer. I read one of your posts about a heartbreaking story and I think medyo nakarelate ako so I want to share mine as well and maybe it can help people hopeless na sa board exams or may pinagdadaanan na magkapag-asa pa. 

I will be taking the board exam this August 2016. And God, when life hits you it hits you hard.

November last year palang naghahanda na ako for the exam. I was starting to take down notes. Maayos naman, inspired naman magaaral until recently I just felt so tired. 

I just graduated last year in UP. Akala ng lahat pagkagraduate, yung gusto mong trabaho ang makukuha mo. Well for my case, it is not. I can say I performed very well in college. I aced exams, I studied very very hard. I am a consistent dean’s lister. But I have a responsibility as an Ate as well. My family is not rich. My brother is currently studying, my mom is a farmer so walang constant income. College was a real struggle. I had to sell chips in school and drinks just to have allowance for the day. Wala akong hiya kasi kailangan kong kumite. Hahaha.

So graduating was the biggest thing in my life. I looked for HR positions and sobrang bagal. I cannot wait for too long since I need to help my family na. So nagisip akong ng trabahong kaya kong gawin na pwedeng matutunan over time and I entered an industry very new to me: THE BANK.

So I am in the office from 8-6pm. And recently walang gaanong funds dahil nga walang ulan sa probinsya at hindi makapagtanim ng palay. Nagsisimatayan na ang mga baboy na alaga niya dahil walang bumibili kasi nga walang pera ang mga tao. So bottom line, I had to look for one more job. Meaning dagdag na trabaho. A parent found me and asked me to teach her child three times a week on a weekday. So bale from 7-9pm nagtuturo pa ako para lang may pandagdag pambayad sa mga bagay bagay. Buti nga di pa kami pinapalayas ng land lady namin sa dami ng delayed rent. Hehe. 2 jobs for a 21-year old lady.

Pagkatapos magturo, ako pa maglalaba at maglilinis sa bahay. Odiba. Pak. Tapos recently sa probinsya medyo nagkagulo, yung lolo kong nagpalaki sa akin was very sick. I was praying na Lord, wag mo muna kunin. I cannot think of too many things na. Maliban don, sobrang pagod pa nanay ko dahil magisa lang syang gumagawa ng lahat and I am not there to help. 

With 2 months away from the board exams naglearned helplessness ako. I didn’t study. Sobrang confused nako sa buhay. Diko na alam gagawin ko. But Lord sees us. Sometimes ibang tao ang lalaban para sayo para Manalo ka pa rin sa paligsahan. Just last week, love outpoured over me. 

Usually kasi hindi ako kumakain ng breakfast para makatipid. Lunch ko araw araw ay tinapay. One friend of mine sa office, treated me twice for breakfast and he just said “Basta pumasa ka lang sa board exam mo, yun nalang pambawi mo.” Another friend just last week also, called me before I went home and gave an envelope with money enough for my meals until the next salary cut off. But I didn’t accept. And just last week also, one of my friends offered to help me pay one month rent. And just last week also, a managing editor of a school newspaper here wants to publish poems that I wrote in FB. My original intention in writing the poems was just to help people depressed in life, hopeless like me to be inspired. Grabe. 

So ngayon, nabuhayan ako ng loob lumaban. KASI KUNG PAGOD KANA, MAY IBANG TAONG IPAPADALA PARA LUMABAN PARA SAYO HANGGANG KAYA MO NANG MAGLAKAD MAGISA.

I hope I can still make up for lost time ng pagaaral and sana makapasa pa rin sa August 30-31! 

Kaya natin to!